Why do I live for?

I don't want to write in spanish today because I'll write some things that I don't want you to understand because I don't know what to say but what's on my mind.
This week was a real disaster, it's me? I don't think so, I have a mess on my life maybe I need some help that no one can give me, I need to be alone, maybe I need my friends with me, because my family is a real lie they only want to pretend that we are a happy and perfect family, but they have never asked me how do I feel, how my life is and mostly how AM I, I don't remember  the meaning of happiness, maybe I wasn't quite as good as I should have, who knows.. but I need what I don't have: a real life, a real family.
I don't remember my dad saying me "I love you" because I've never heard that, I feel that I don't have a father, I am not part of my family, I am no one here, little things I have said or done, I just never took the time... but there's always on my mind: WHAT DID I WRONG?
Why do I live for? Have I to keep on moving? Have I the strenght to it? Maybe this life is not for me, maybe there's other life waiting for me far away, so far that I can even see it... maybe this is a dream and I want to wake up, but there's something in my mind: Why do I lie for?
Maybe I wrote wrong, but my mind is blocked... I forgot who I am, I don't know me, and this blog doesn't help me at all, I just want to runaway FAR AWAY.
Enjoy your lifes how I haven't... because I can't.